Funny Jokes

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father and son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

“What’s that Paw?” The boy asked.

“I ain’t never did see nothin’ like that in my life” Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says “Go get your Maw !”

*1. Losing all your friends* *Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.** He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says ‘If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.’ *

*2. Brother wanted * *A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, ’send me a brother’…. * Santa wrote back, ‘SEND ME YOUR MOTHER’…. *

*3. Meaning of WIFE **Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means ‘Without Information Fighting Every time’!’ Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’ *

*4. Confident vs. confidential* *A young boy asks his Dad, ‘What is the difference between confident and confidential?’ ** Dad says, ‘You are my son, I’m confident about that. * *Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!’*

*5. Anger management? * *Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’ ** Wife: ‘I clean the toilet.’ Husband: ‘How does that help?’ Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush.’*

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.The brunette said, “I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened.”, and poof her wish was granted.The redhead said, “I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened.”, and poof her wish was granted.Then the blond said, “I wish my friends were here with me.